So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
