So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
