I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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