I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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