I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
