i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
