Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I cut my penus on the lid.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
