Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
can u get pink eye on your cock?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
