Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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