Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
