you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
