So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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