a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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