i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
