STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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