Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
