i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
its liver damage thursday
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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