Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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