i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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