you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
