I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
