i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
