you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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