after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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