i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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