Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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