Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
