my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
