It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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