He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
