Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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