so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
