I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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