Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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