Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
