i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
