I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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