They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
