its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
