I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
