Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
