I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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