and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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