The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He better not be in your backpack
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
