I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
