I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
