I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
