and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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