Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
