I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
